If you’re just tuning in to this series, you can catch the beginning of the series here: Life at Home [Corona virus] Week 1
It’s hard to believe that this has become our reality. Week three of quarantine. It was quite interesting because this week I introduced my daughter to “Finding Dori” the movie, and I didn’t realize how many times it said the word “quarantined.” After giggling about disregarding that word during all of the previous times I’d watched it, my younger son was curious as to what quarantined meant after all. Earlier in the day he was asking if his cousins can come spend the night as if we were just on an early summer break. It didn’t make sense to him, so I had to explain the meaning of what it meant to be quarantined. When I did, it felt strange that this was real life for us.
This week…there were a few ups and downs. I’m happy to report that it ended up. This time, instead of documenting every day as I’ve done on Week 1 and Week 2. I’m going to just document my thoughts overall. At the end of the photographs you’re going to see here, I’m sharing how I’m closing out my week.
On Thursday, I had a dry cough and therefore decided to let my sitter know not to come the entire weekend just in case. The cough didn’t stay. Needless to say, Friday it was just me and the kids. I know how days like this go-I can’t set my standards too high for productivity because these kids have a mind of their own and setting my expectations high leave me very frustrated. I wrote this on a post on my instagram that day:
I’m giving myself permission.
There’s a lot of pressure from every side right now. There’s a lot of emotions and thoughts that are high. I’m giving myself permission to feel, to dream, to cry, to work, to do nothing…WHATEVER my day looks like…it’s ok.
Stay safe-Stay home and give yourself PERMISSION. Write yourself a note, “During this season, I will give myself permission to ________________. ” xoxoxo. -Rubi Z
That day, it was flexible. Our schedule was off and I wasn’t going to stress about it. We stayed outside a little longer. While outside my son started to talk to me about random things he was into and an artist he had discovered. When he realized he had my entire attention, he started to share a lot more about what he was learning. It shocked me to see that he had had pages of notes from a youtube video I had allowed him to watch from this artist the previous day. Not only did he have the most gorgeous and neatest notes [an art of it’s own] but then the following pages he was applying the notes that the artist instructed. Watching him and hearing him so enthusiastic about something he was learning just intregued me.
I was also aware of this artist because he had been listening to his podcasts for about a week. During my time of no stress just sitting outside with him, he started to share principles he’d learned while listening to Kesh [the artist]. Much to my surprise, he was sharing principles I stand for with creativity and art. He reminded me some of the basic fundamentals of creating that are actually important things! One his notes, one of the key elements to creating better art was to create BAD art. I love this. I’d realized in that moment that it’d been a while that I’d allowed myself to create something bad. After you create with excellence, it gets harder to allow yourself to fail. Yet, failing is the key to growing and changing and evolving.
It’d been a long while that I felt just organically inspired. Inspired in a way that I wasn’t looking for it-but it found me. The moment that I surrendered my day to NOTHING…it became something. I work really really hard and sometimes I forget to allow myself space. Times of nothing, with no agenda, with no stress, with no deadlines, with no to do’s, with no rhythm. By breaking the mold, you are able to re-invent.
Guys! This is quarantine. I’m not referring to the horrific side of why we are here. I’m not talking about if you’re sick. Please know that my heart is there and praying for those in very very scary situations. But we are here. In this moment of nothing. And maybe in this moment of nothing….something will be birthed. We don’t’ have to look for it. We don’t have to pressure it. We have to learn to actually lean towards nothing to organically create something. So twisted, I know. I know.
What I want to remember this week: I want to remember the video I saw that gave me hope that this too shall pass. I want to remember that creativity can still rise in hard situations. I want to remember to create bad work and allow myself PERMISSION to fail or to not meet the mark.
What I want to remember about this moment: How proud I was of my son. How good it felt to watch him intensely and listen to him wholeheartedly. How much it meant to him that my eyes were fixed on him.