HEART+          .

Soul

Life: 100 Days + a reflection about my oldest

It was an exciting morning.

My middle son had prepared himself the night before with his gray mustache, gray beard, gray eyebrows and gray spray paint. He was going to be the “coolest old man” at his school. Bright and early he wakes me up to help him get dressed. It was fun-this little morning that meant so much to him. [For your entertainment below…]

On the way to school is my son [2nd child], telling me all about what he had planned for the day. There was also some yelling from the little princess [3rd child] and then…silence from my oldest [1st child].

His nose so deep in his book with an occasional glance up through his glasses frames, but complete silence. Yesterday him and I had a date alone-we went to ice cream. I know how much it means to him and that’s why we do it, for all of our kids-well except for Sophia, because right now she’s a time sucker anyways! So, right now, just for the boys. But this morning…I watched him in the reflection of my rear view mirror.

I stared at the way that I’ve always loved how much his hair lays so perfectly. I recalled memories of when he was a baby…he would sweat soooo much that I would use his sweat to rub his hair into perfect shape while he slept in my arms. It also brought back memories of when I would look at him through the rear view mirror always catching the way the sun would light up his golden highlights-something that becomes evident only in the sun [true story…he was completely BLONDE as a baby until about 4 years old].

I just had to write these thoughts because I know he feels overlooked sometimes. He’s the oldest…he came first, but I know that at times he feels like he’s last. There’s more responsibility on him now as a young boy-more things dad and I expect from him. He watches sister get all the attention, and watches little brother get away with more than he should. I tell him so many times when I think of him-but I do hope that one day, when he’s older, he reads my thoughts and truly UNDERSTANDS how much every moment with him is a gift that I don’t take for granted.

Son…if you ever read this-I hope you know that I SEE YOU-every second of every day. I feel your heart and understand. I hope you know that you were never overlooked. I saw you through the noise.